Invasion of the Trump Body Snatchers

Trump Body Snatchers, that is.

Mark ran and ran, finally collapsing in front of the hospital. “Doctor, this man is delirious” said one of the interns. “He was found laying in front of the hospital, babbling incoherently, something about some pods in a truck. Something about Trump pods.”

It took hours before they could get Mark to calm down enough to tell the incredible story that was about to shake the world to its core. The story started in June, 2015 shortly after Donald Trump would announce his presidential campaign on the Republican side.

Here is the story that Mark told the doctor:

Mark and his wife Stella, met regularly for coffee with their friends, Jack and Sophie to talk politics. Both couples were active in conservative Republican circles. All of them wondered why this man Trump, who had never been active as a conservative Republican, and in fact supported and donated money to many far left Democrats in the past, was being supported by so many Republicans. Here was a man, who would not give any of his positions on the big topics of the day, just saying he was great and would make America great again. He would show he was clueless in the debates on the important national security foreign policy issues, like the Iranian Quds Force and on America’s nuclear triad, yet that made no difference to those supporting him.

Their curiousness really grew when Trump made this outrageous comment that John McCain [a man who was captured and tortured in Vietnam and a man who refused early release by the enemy if he would denounce America] was no war hero because he [Trump] respected soldiers who did not got captured by the enemy a lot more than those who did get captured. What happened after that was shocking. There were supposed conservatives who respect and love the military making excuses for what Trump said and in fact Trump’s support began to increase after he made that comment against our heroes in the military. How could this be?

Well Jack told Mark he had discovered something that Mark would find crazy to believe, but it could be the only explanation. Jack told Mark he noticed these trucks filled with pods that were being delivered to this warehouse right after Donald Trump had insulted the military. Jack went to investigate the warehouse and noticed that these curious pods were missing. And at the same time of the missing pods conservatives he knew for decades, who loved the military and who would have been apoplectic if Obama had dared insult our military heroes in the exact same way, were making excuses for what Trump said, saying he was being taken out of context, and anyway McCain is a RINO traitor.

Hmm, could there be a connection to the pods and the changing personalities of loyal “conservative” Republicans?

The Trump pods arriving in a town near you.

Then Donald Trump would continue to make outrageous comments that surely would knock the average person who had made such comments out of the race. He first insulted a one time favorite of conservatives [i.e., was a favorite before Donald Trump] Megyn Kelly. Immediately, after he did this, another load of pods were spotted and another load of people, who used to say they loved the Fox News Channel, all of a sudden said they were going to boycott the Fox News Channel because they had treated Donald Trump mean in the debates. They said they would never watch Megyn Kelly again.

The same scenario happened over and over. Donald Trump would make some outrageous comment or he would make a comment that would show he was clueless about some issue, and that was the exact time more pods would arrive and more Republicans would not only make excuses for those comments, they would double down on their support for him. It was like the pods arrived just in the nick of time to save Trump’s candidacy from statements he made that would have doomed any other candidate.

Mark and Stella, during their daily coffee talks with Jack and Sophie, said there must be some connection between the pods and the change they were seeing in so many Republicans they knew. Many of their friends and even some of their favorite conservative pundits like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Eric Bolling, Andrea Tantaros, et. al., were becoming Trump enablers, making excuses for every single outrageous comment Donald Trump would make, saying he was being taken out of context, and anyway, they loved his being not politically correct.

Mark, Stella, Jack, and Sophie knew they had to stick together and not let the pods take over their minds like they had seen happen to so many others.

When Donald Trump obnoxiously insulted the appearance of one of their favorites, Carly Fiorina, [“look at that face”], the four of them were stunned that the pods had gotten to people they loved and respected all of a sudden agreeing with Trump when he had claimed he wasn’t talking about Carly’s appearance, only her “persona”. He meant no harm.

It wasn’t but a few weeks later when this time the Donald surely went too far. Donald Trump at one of his speeches insulted a physically disabled reporter with obvious movements and facial expressions that made fun of the reporter’s disability. No decent conservative Republican would support that. But then arrived the pods. Then came the excuses.

The group met for coffee the next morning. Mark asked Jack and Sophie, “isn’t it disgusting how so many people who call themselves Republicans are supporting Trump’s making fun of a man’s disability?” Jack then said, in slow, almost monotone staccato, “Why Mark, Donald wasn’t making fun of his disability. You are taking him out of context, Mark.” Then Sophie chimed in the same slow chant, “Yes Mark. Why are you acting like such an establishment RINO? Donald Trump didn’t even know the man? He couldn’t possibly have been making fun of him.”

As Mark was shaking in fear at what he was hearing his friends say, he took his wife by the hand and got up. “Where are you going Mark?”, asked Jack, “you might as well give in, Mark. Trump is the man.” “Why don’t you want to make America great again, Mark?”, Sophie asked, as Mark and Stella rushed out of the room. Mark and Stella, out of breath from running, finally made it back to their house, sitting down at the couch. “The Trump pods are changing everybody, I’m scared”, Mark told his wife.

Stella, in a monotone voice speaking each word in a slow staccato [the same way he had just heard from Jack and Sophie], said out of the blue, “Mark, Trey Gowdy is an establishment RINO. He is a loser, Mark. A loser just like little Marco Rubio and lyin’ Ted Cruz. They are all losers, Mark, except for our leader Donald Trump. Donald Trump will win for us, Mark. He will win for America so much we will get tired of winning.”

“Stella … Stella”, “No!”, screamed Mark, as he got up from his seat moving towards the door. Stella, with a blank stare, responding as if Mark was still sitting there said in the same monotone staccato, “The Mexicans are sending the worst of the worst Mark. They’re sending their rapists and murderers here. They’re bad people Mark.” “Mark, did you know George W. Bush purposely lied to us so he could start a war?” “Mark, George W. Bush knew about 9-11 but he did nothing to stop it. Did you know that Mark.”

Mark, trembling violently, realizing his wife, his own wife had been taken over by one of the Trump pods, just like his friends were, and just as a plurality of about 35% of Republicans were, rushed out the door running as fast as he could.

Mark ran and ran, finally collapsing in front of the hospital. “Doctor, this man is delirious” said one of the interns. “He was found laying in front of the hospital, babbling incoherently, something about some pods in a truck. Something about Trump pods.”

Did Mark make it in time to save the GOP and the country?

Spoiler Alert: No.